


Mario

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, childhood neglect, post 1x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:32:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5534861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mario thoughts after 1x08.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mario

_Mario  
_

 

                Mario knew how different he was from other people. He made no effort to hide of what an asshole he was. The dark-haired intern inwardly sighed and thought back to what Ted Banks had said to him. _“The ice-cold eyes. The bravado. The wall around the heart.” I would prefer if he only saw me as an asshole like all these other people,_ Mario thought as he thought to the many reprimands and lectures he had gotten from Dr. Rorish and Dr. Hudson. Even the so-called “Mama” had told him to stop being a bully. _Except…_ He thought of the young intern that he envied the most. He and Angus had gotten off on the wrong foot, but it seemed that their…relationship was not so antagonistic. The dark-haired intern wanted to laugh hollowly.

                Mario wondered what a fool Angus must be to see him as a friend. _He asked me if I had any friends. The answer, of course, is no._ Mario had never depended on anyone. He grew up in a place where depending on someone meant dying more often than not. The phone in Mario’s hand was cold. It seemed almost hours after his patient had died, after he had tried to use CPR so many times it felt as if his hands would break – and yet it had only been a couple of minutes since the time of death. _“Tell me a story,”_ Ted had told him. And Mario had. He had told him what he had told no one. Of the time when his parents had forgotten him, leaving him in the care of his third grade teacher. Even though it had been more than a decade, Mario stilled remembered of how clean the house smelled. There was no garbage spilling over in the kitchen, and there was food in the fridge. There was no shouting or loud noises.

                There was only his teacher and him, begging not to go back when his parents were found to bring him back to the place they called home. _“Don’t make me go back! I don’t want to go there!”_ Mario didn’t know what possessed him to tell him that story. It wasn’t any different from any of the others, when he was found without any money to buy any lunch at school, when his mother came to school high or when at eleven years old, he found –

                Mario shut his thoughts out, clenching his hands into fists as he forced himself to think of what Ted had told him about his friend. _Should I even call the guy? He probably won’t care this guy is dead._ Mario swallowed. It was true. Even he could see, every time when he saw anyone alone or having a problem with a _particular_ organ in the ER, the young intern could see himself. Mario could see that this is what he could become, alone and unloved and unneeded.

                Just as it always had been.

                Ted had said that he didn’t want Mario to become him. But what was wrong with that? He would rather just stay as he was, forever the asshole and the failure, than let them see who he truly was.

                Mario didn’t have any particular reason to be a doctor. It wasn’t like with Christa, Angus, or Malaya. He only….wanted to do something. Something that would affirm that he was actually alive and mattered in this world.

                _Because only I know of what a screwed up bastard I am. And…of how I actually fear everything, especially myself._

_A fraud, that’s what I goddamn am._

He thought of Angus. So far, that seemed to be the only relationship that has lasted so far. His grandmother only existed in blood and name. And he had no friends. His…friend seemed to be the only one who tried to understand him, and not push him away.

                _What a fool he is,_ Mario thought. And yet, a small part of him couldn’t help but feel a small warmth at the thought of the annoyingly-laughed-too-much Angus. _And what a fool I am to want to stay his terrible friend._


End file.
